"A smile is the chosen vehicle of all ambiguities." Herman Melville
this_old_man
The government will be requiring new food labels that are
more specific. Products will now be labeled, no fat, low
fat, reduced fat and fat, but great personality.
THIS JUST IN!!
This Old Man in a fit of retirement home repair took the challenge of............
!!!TOILET BOWL WAX RING REPLACEMENT!!!
Our hero finally girded himself for battle today against the laundry
room potty. Several days ago the spousal unit observed what
SHE THOUGHT was a leak around said potty. After many days
of procrastinating and finding other things more fun to do, this
old man beat his proverbial plowshare into a plumber's wrench
and marched forth to meet the foe! Many a wound he suffered
in the savage onslaught(skinned knuckles and wet knees). But
with a pure heart and a Lowe's nearby, the gnarled old warrior
prevailed! Unable to display this plumber's Grindel arm in his mead
hall he had to be satisfied with the Home Improvement Male Grunt laugh!
He was quoted as saying "I came, I saw, I kicked it's...er..flange bolts!"
In a conversation with a brother whose spousal unit hails from the same venue as the last olympics, I was told their plumbing stops at the wax ring! Actually, there is not a ring - only a hole in the tile with (I assume) the appropriate plumbing underneath. I guess that would solve the leaking toilet issue - and no flange to kick! ...I think I'd rather have the leaks. :^)
An actuary, an underwriter, and an insurance salesperson are riding in a car. The salesperson has his foot on the gas, the underwriter has his foot on the brake, and the actuary is looking out the back window telling them where to go.
Hey bud - Hope yall had a good holiday. Holler when you think you'll be down here - maybe we can get together for a meal. I might even volunteer number 1 son to help at the house!
The budding director was sitting alongside the veteran as he was auditioning promising young performers for an upcoming variety show. The young learner was amazed at how many different ways this old timer could terminate a performance! There was the chop across the throat, the upraised face and hands, and many, many more! When the young man commented on it after the auditions, his mentor said, "Well, son, when you get to my age you learn that ... there is more than one way to can a skit".
This one almost tempts me to start trying to write these things. It shouldn't be too hard... anytime you hear an old expression, change it around and write a story around it.
Artist Pablo Picasso surprised a burglar at work in his new chateau. The intruder got away, but Picasso told the police he could do a rough sketch of what he looked like. On the basis of his drawing, the police arrested a mother superior, the minister of finance, a washing machine, and the Eiffel tower.
The judge passed the bailiff a note: "Blind on right side, may be
falling. Please call someone."
The bailiff rushed out of the room. Minutes later, the paramedics
arrived asking for the stroke victim.
Pointing to a sagging Venetian blind on the right side of the room,
the judge said to the bailiff, "I was thinking someone from building
maintenance ..."
