The "comedian" Al Franken has just been named the new Senator of Minnesota. Franken is an idiot (despite what HE says about himself). He has cheated to gain this position from a qualified and respectable man, Norm Coleman (who actually won on election day).
So, what does this teach us about Democracy? Several things, actually. One, it teaches us that any idiot can be elected to any office. Two, this world is only concerned with "flash," not substance (something I learned at Florida College afer getting dormed twice for not "breaking" any rules). Three, people in general are uninformed when it comes to important issues and where any candidate stands on those issues. Four, whining and complaining WILL get you what you want (with a little cheating on the side).
I don't have a solution to this problem. I mean, we could actually try to educate others but that usually is returned in a rather unkindly way via a kick in the teeth. Plus, people like being uninformed because they don't like being responsible.
You know something, I DO have a solution to this problem. I say we start a new country. Those who actually care about succeeding, regardless of how much effort and hard-work must go into it, should all move to Texas and we'll all just secede from the Union. The Union can finally make Puerto Rico a state and Texas will be free to become the greatest country in the world. "Low Taxes, Low Crime Rates, High Stakes, and High Times" will be our motto. Our Country's symbol will be the Bull, representing the Longhorn and the Bull Market we will inevitably achieve. Our national anthem will be "God Bless Texas" by Diamond Rio, although I'm not sure how that happened (It's still better that "My Old Kentucky Home"; I hate that song). It will be a wonderland of bright opportunities and limitless awesomeness! People will come from all around to view this Utopic Eden, shouting at the top of their lungs, "LET US IN! WE WANT TO SUCCEED TOO! WE'RE WILLING TO WORK!" True, the rest of the world will wane while we wax, but that is the way of all things. However, it will be worth it for those willing to succeed.
It might be tempting if it were anywhere but Texas. Unless your plan also comes with a way to get the unwritten "Big Egos, Obnoxious Arrogance" out of the motto. (No offense meant to those few Texans for whom this does not apply.)
It's such a true statement that people do not want to know because they do not want to be responsible. It's that way in health care too. A lot of people would rather not know how to slow down the progression of a disease so when they're stuck in the hospital with end-stage whatever, they can sue the doctor for not telling them more. It's ridiculous.
I must point out it would be far easier to take over Maine... less people to conquer. True, a few people might object to the weather, but there are those of us who don't find Texas' weather patterns to our liking either.
A "resolution" is a declaration you make that is a conscious decision to fix (or "re-solve") some issue that is no longer what it should be. For example, a picture should be hung straight on a wall. You can resolve to fix the problem by making the picture straight again. It is essentially just fixing something that has gone wrong.
So, I got online today and I was checking some statistics. According to polls by USA Today, The New York Post, The LA Times, and several other news organizations, 90% of Americans don't complete one of their New Year's resolutions. Out of the other 10%, only a meager 0.07% meet all of their New Year's resolutions.
This is why I am officially offering a suggestion to the world that we no longer call them New Year's "resolutions." Rather, I think we should start calling them "Things that we wouldn't mind happening during the next year without any real effort on our parts." I really think this would be more accurate and it would make so many people feel a lot less guilty for lying to themselves and others at the beginning of each year.
Also, according to all of these polls, there are a general "Top Ten" of things people "resolve" to do in the upcoming year. These "Top Ten Resolutions" will usually come in some variation of this order.
1. Spend more time with family
2. Lose weight/ eat less
3. Exercise more
4. Stop smoking, drinking, and doing drugs
5. Get out of debt
6. Go back to school or learn some new skill
7. Help others
8. Get organized
9. Get out of a bad relationship and/or find "true" love
10. Do something about current living arrangements (ie, fix the fence)
So, this year, I will not be making any New Year's resolutions. Instead, I am going to be realistic and just plan for things I know are going to happen anyway. This is my "Top Seven Resolutions" (since I'm being realistic, I just know I'm not going to do ten things during the next year; I'm just too lazy. That is why I am shooting for seven).
1. Get into at least one internet argument a month where I will inevitably call someone "stupid"
2. Get into a fight with my mother
3. Stay up WAY too late playing video games once a week
4. Gain ten pounds of pure flab
5. Drink a 12-pack of Mountain Dew a week
6. Get in trouble with my wife for something stupid I did while hanging out with Nick 7. Refuse to answer the phone when it rings
That's what I have planned for the next year. I'm pretty sure I can accomplish those things without any real effort on my part. So, what do you have planned for the next year?
The beginning of a new year is a beautiful thing. It is the time of year where the old year is washed away and you can forget about all of the things you did or didn't do and look forward to the new year. It is a time of hope and imagination. The possibilities are almost endless. So, what do you have planned for the new year? What have you resolved yourself to do in this upcoming year? What do you hope for?
PS- This is a sad New Year's for me because we have no White Castles in Amarillo. I will not be able to begin the New Year in my customary way (ie, eating too many Slyders and spending the next two days in the bathroom). So, those back home, eat an extra one for me. God bless.
If you're looking for food that will send you to the bathroom I can make a couple of suggestions. Start with the IHOP on Western that has been shut down three times...
